I’m approaching 40 years old and I have been married for four of them, so you would think that by now I’d know how things work with men. But here is something that has always surprised me – getting back into the dating game when you are over 40.

You see all those women who were single or divorced before they hit 40? They have no idea what it feels like to be on your own again after being tied down for such a long time. Once you’ve gone through divorce, there comes a point where you start thinking “Why should I go out anymore?” And once this happens, you begin to stay home more often than not. You stop meeting new people because you don’t want to feel uncomfortable. Then one day, the unthinkable happens…you meet someone! The first few dates with him/her just seem too good to be true, but you keep going forward anyway. Before you know it, you’re head-over-heels in love! So why did you wait so long to find happiness? Why didn’t you give yourself permission to date earlier? Well ladies, if you answered yes to any of these questions then you might be suffering from ‘dating burnout’. Let’s face it; we live busy lives today and sometimes our priorities change overnight. We put family above everything else including having fun. When life gets tough and you need support, you tend to lean on your spouse more and less on friends and family members. This leaves little room for dating which could help you relieve stress and provide you with some much needed social interaction. If you haven’t already experienced this phenomenon, hang tight! There will come a day when you’ll wake up feeling tired and unmotivated towards anything. Your body and mind may be telling you to relax and chill out, yet you continue working hard during the week only to spend weekends alone watching TV.

So how do you break free from this vicious cycle? How do you rekindle your spark without putting pressure on yourself? First off, take a look around you and ask yourself whether you really miss the excitement and spontaneity in your life. Do you enjoy spending most of your days cooped inside worrying about bills and other responsibilities? Or maybe you just wish you had more freedom to explore and experience different places and cultures while still maintaining control of your career and finances? Whatever your reasons, taking steps to improve your relationship status shouldn’t involve sacrificing your current lifestyle. It doesn’t matter how many times you tried online dating sites or bars until you finally found Mr Right. As long as you remain committed to doing whatever it takes to make your dreams become reality, nothing changes permanently. Therefore, you should never let fear, doubt, or anxiety hold you hostage from making positive moves toward improving your situation. In fact, you mustn’t allow your past failures discourage you from trying again. Instead, use them as motivation to move ahead. Acknowledge that mistakes happen and learn from them in order to avoid repeating similar scenarios.

If you decide that you truly want to get back out there and reclaim your lost youthfulness, then follow my tips below to set realistic goals and accomplish them within reason. Don’t expect to fall in love right away. Take baby steps and build your confidence gradually instead of jumping straight into dating scene. Remember that you aren’t competing against 20 year olds anymore. Ageism exists everywhere and young girls usually win. However, if you believe in yourself enough and trust your instincts, you’ll soon discover that finding love isn’t difficult at all. Just remember that you’re smart, beautiful and sexy even though you have wrinkles and grey hair. Here are some useful suggestions to guide you along the way:

1. Go slow. Start small. Focus on building relationships rather than looking for instant gratification. Try to develop genuine friendships with others. Talk to strangers whenever possible. Be creative in pursuing conversations with anyone. Learn to appreciate every moment spent together and relish each encounter as an opportunity to connect. Make eye contact, smile, compliment and engage. Avoid negative talk like money issues, politics etc. Allow yourself to laugh and share memories.
2. Meet new people. Join groups that interest you and attend events that appeal to you. Attend networking meetings since they offer the perfect environment to mingle and chat with interesting individuals. Get involved in volunteer activities that bring joy to your heart. Volunteering helps you gain valuable skills and network contacts. Plus, it gives you a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment. Besides, volunteering makes you feel good about yourself and increases your self esteem. What better gift can you give to someone special?!
3. Date new people. After establishing solid connections with people, introduce yourself to potential partners. Set clear boundaries regarding physical intimacy by communicating directly and letting your partner know beforehand exactly what you desire. Also, show respect for his/hers wishes and needs. By following simple rules like saying please / thank you, listening intently, and offering compliments, you’ll create a great impression and leave lasting impressions on everyone you meet.
4. Keep track of your progress. Create a journal or diary to log your thoughts. Use it to record successes and setbacks. Write down personal observations, feelings and emotions regarding your interactions with others. Analyze your notes and notice patterns. Eventually, you’ll realize that you are becoming a happier person simply by interacting with others.
5. Treat yourself well. Find balance between rest and activity. Exercise regularly and eat healthy foods. Have faith in yourself and trust your intuition. Think positively and surround yourself with supportive friends and relatives. These actions will boost your overall health and wellbeing.
6. Never lose hope. Even if you haven’t met Mr Right yet, you can still pursue your passions and interests. Life is meant to be lived passionately and fully regardless of marital status. Enjoy your journey and celebrate milestones however big or small they may be. Appreciate every moment spent together and relish each encounter as an opportunity to connect. Always bear in mind that you deserve happiness and success.